The Secret Diary of Michelle Obama

Dear Diary: I'm getting in touch with my Tweeples!

1/14/12

7 p.m.

Dear Diary,

This week I corrected a long-running American problem. I ended my absence on Twitter. While George Dubyah Bush could barely understand "the internets," Barack and I are much more digitally astute, with our Blackberries, viral YouTube videos, and emails to supporters. I'm embarrassed that I've been so busy kissing up to Hollywood elite and stars of the music industry that I'm just now sending out my first tweet.

After 3 days, I've amassed nearly 300,000 followers. Right now, however, Barack's keepers only let me follow six people (Joe Biden, Hubby, campaign staff and government offices). Plus, all my tweets have to be approved. I feel like Ashton Kutcher! It's so frustrating that my communications have to be monitored and "managed" by campaign staff, but I confess I did almost ruin the 2008 campaign uttering such political gaffes as "For the first time in my adult life I'm proud of my country."

Can't an anti-American icon get a break? Geesh. Read more about Dear Diary: I'm getting in touch with my Tweeples!

Dear Diary: What Should My New Name Be?

Dear Diary,

I'm depressed. Why? The term “First Lady” is too boring and I'm tired of being called that. Plus, since I like doing jumping jacks on the White House lawn and throwing footballs while bearing my biceps, the term is frankly a misnomer.

Other women, such as Eleanor Roosevelt, Jackie Kennedy and Hillary Clinton, all transformed the role of what a first lady should be. I want my turn! (But in the most superficial way – I want to change FLOTUS to a title with more pizzazz to it!).

I tested a new title this week by leaking a video of my upcoming appearance on iCarly. In it, I advise that I prefer the title “Your Excellency” – but that didn’t go over too well. Read more about Dear Diary: What Should My New Name Be?

Michelle Obama Channels Marie Antoinette in this Diary Entry

First Lady wears $2,000 dress while country's economy languishes

Dear Diary,

I hope you don’t mind if I ignore you and directly appeal to the Ghost of Marie Antoinette, my idol, this week:

Dear Great Goddess Marie,

I know the $2,000 sundress that I wore for Christmas church service doesn’t quite show as much disregard for the economically repressed masses as your brilliant admonishment that starving peasants should simply eat cake.

I am, however, following well in your footsteps. Read more about Michelle Obama Channels Marie Antoinette in this Diary Entry

A Great Birthday

Wednesday, January 19th
3:00 pm

Dear Diary,

My birthday brought all of my favorite people together. It is so strange to me that I am almost 47 - I don't feel (or look) a day over 30. It was great to be able to celebrate my birthday on one of our nations most important National Holidays - Martin Luther King Day. I wonder what these next few years will bring. I am truly blessed.

I wish I had more time to write but this country will not run itself!

Thanks for listening,

Focus on Fashion

Friday, January 9th
11:05am

Dear Diary,

Apparently, I’ve already begun to fulfill my second New Year’s Resolution – to become a fashion icon. Even the New York Times notes that it might be up to me to save the fashion industry during this recession. Yikes! That’s a huge responsibility, but I guess if anyone’s up to the challenge, it’s me. They’ve recognized how much I’ve done already for the fashion industry. Much of it comes naturally, although the campaign advisors and I really made a point to dress to impress without the impressive prices that Sarah Palin boasted during her shopping spree at Neiman Marcus. Plus, I don’t just wear designer clothes. I wear what looks good. And if that means J. Crew and the GAP, then I’ll shop at J. Crew and the GAP.

It’s nice to be viewed as such a role model. But then again, I’ll admit it – I’ve considered my fashion taste to be impeccable. Read more about Focus on Fashion

Resolutions for the New Year

Thursday, January 8th
9:30pm

Dear Diary,

Three weeks have passed since my last entry, and I realize that I do miss writing in my diary. And as I am in need of an outlet in which I can vent privately, I have resolved to make my New Year’s Resolution a goal to write in my secret diary more. That, as well as beginning my legacy as the greatest First Lady to date. Well, the greatest First Lady since Eleanor Roosevelt. She was a delegate to the UN after all, among other achievements. Though perhaps I can still surpass her. She certainly had politics and social work on her side, but I’ve already started down the path of the fashionista. And when I start enacting my many service organizations, as well as the Michelle Obama Foundation (haven’t decided the focus of that, but will think more on that later), I will truly begin my legacy as the greatest First Lady. I do enjoy a good superlative, or a great one, as it were,

But for now, my top three New Year’s Resolutions are as follows:

Write in my diary more. Perhaps it is a selfish resolution, but everyone needs an outlet.

Apology for Ann? Not Necessary

Tuesday, December 16th
10:10pm

Dear Diary,

Ann Coulter never ceases to amaze me. And after being informed that she addressed me directly on the Hannity and Colmes show, I couldn’t help but watch the clip on YouTube, just to see what inanities she cared to express. As expected, it was ridiculous.

Barack has decided (with my encouragement) to be sworn in as Barack Hussein Obama, since it is a tradition for the president to be sworn in using one’s entire name. To be sworn in as simply Barack Obama would be calling into question how comfortable Barack is with his own name, which then brings up a host of other issues and implications. He and I both agree that it’s better go about this according to protocol.

But of course, all the conservative news stations and television shows are having a field day with this. Ann Coulter, one of Sean Hannity’s favorite guests, (guest being a more realistic title than “pundit,” which gives more credit than is due) has to make this a big deal. At first she called him “B. Read more about Apology for Ann? Not Necessary

Favorability Ratings on the Rise

Monday, December 15th
9:30pm

Dear Diary,

That Wall Street Journal is a great paper. At least, I’m a big fan after they published an article talking about my favorability ratings. Apparently, it’s on the rise, up 10% from my approval rating in September. So 31% of the American people have a “very positive” view of me, up from September’s 21%. Not to mention, 69% of the respondents think I’m a positive role model for American women.

Personally, I’m a bit surprised that more women don’t see me as a good role model, but I’m sure those numbers will increase soon, especially when I start some social programs of some sort as First Lady. Plus, it’s nice to know that only 16% view me as a negative influence on American women, and I’m sure that that cohort consists almost entirely of bigoted men who believe that a woman shouldn’t be given so much power. Well, to those voters, I say, “Too bad.” This woman is about to get a lot more power. Especially when I start my campaign for the presidency. Read more about Favorability Ratings on the Rise

Obamas Denied Presidential Guest House

Sunday, December 14th
7:45pm

Dear Diary,

This is unbelievable. I am so outraged, I can’t hardly believe this hasn’t been made more of an issue. Newly elected commanders-in-chief and their families are allowed to stay at the Blair House five days prior to inauguration. We had just asked if we could would be allowed to move in a few days earlier so that Sasha and Malia could start school in DC immediately after the holiday break. But since Bush is insisting that his pre-scheduled events and guests take precedence over us, we will not be allowed to move in early. Basically, we’re not allowed to stay in the guest house because Bush wants to throw parties for his friends, and they don’t want to do it with the First Family living in the house. I’m curious to find out which guests outranked the incoming President.

I am so upset over this. This would never have happened if John McCain had been elected, and he and Cindy were moving into the White House. Read more about Obamas Denied Presidential Guest House

Friends of the Obamas

Saturday, December 13th

10:05pm

Dear Diary,

After reading the New York Times article about our friends, Valerie Jarrett, Martin Nesbitt, and Dr. Eric Whitaker,
I can’t help but think about how much they have done for Barack and me.
Before I even came into the picture, they were a close-knit group of
friends for Barack. And they were so warm and welcoming for me, that I
instantly fell in love with his friends. We’ve gone on vacations
together, barbeques, tennis lessons, and been through thick and thin
together – births, deaths, and all that’s in between.

But these guys were forced into the spotlight when Barack began
running for office, and more so when he ran for the presidency. I
imagine the public scrutiny has been difficult, but they’ve all come
through as true friends, standing by Barack and me every step of the
way. We’ve all gotten together more over the holidays, since that long
campaign is finally over. And we’re all especially looking forward to
another vacation in Hawaii together. Read more about Friends of the Obamas

The First Lady's take on everything, from Happy Meals to how to get into Harvard

Account

Dear Diary: I'm getting in touch with my Tweeples!

Dear Diary: What Should My New Name Be?

Michelle Obama Channels Marie Antoinette in this Diary Entry

A Great Birthday

Focus on Fashion

Resolutions for the New Year

Apology for Ann? Not Necessary

Favorability Ratings on the Rise

Obamas Denied Presidential Guest House

Friends of the Obamas

Pages

Michelle Obama Channels Marie Antoinette in this Diary Entry
1

Favorability Ratings on the Rise
1

Focus on Fashion
1

McCain just called to concede the election
1

BARACK WINS!
1

Barack wins Pennsylvania AND Ohio!
1

The Final Home-stretch
1

Mom-in-Chief
1

Election Countdown
1

Campaign Expenditures
1

Racism Rekindled
1

Husbands on TV
1

Wives in Print
1

Barack's Faults
1

Post-debate Perspective
1

Pre-debate Ponderings
1

Obamas on Top
1

Cover-ups Galore
1

Racism Revealed
1

Path to the Presidency
1